phlegmatic

Just because I could get over it,
Doesn't mean that it was easy for me. 
It was hard. 
I prayed for the new strength every morning, and sometimes held my tears in front of peoples until I won the process. 

Just because I still laughed at a tight deadline, 
Doesn't mean that I did not feel stressed or did not give my best. 
I seriously did my part and managed my time efficiently. 
Somehow people just assume that a stressful staff is much more responsible than the one who still could laugh. 

Just because I smiled n stayed calm at bad things happened, 
Doesn't mean that I did not think about it and it did not bother me much. 
It did. 
But I just thought the best response is to calmly find a solution instead of complaining and being moody. 

Just because I didn't show what I eagerly ask in prayer, 
Doesn't mean that I did not wholeheartedly want it. 
I want it! 
I just don't need people to know, God will do it for me if necessary. 

Being positive sometimes makes me look like a 'playful' one that is always happy and needs more pressure, more determination, more struggling moments. 
As if I don't feel any pressure, 
As if I don't have determination,
As if I don't pursue n struggle as much as I should. 

What if, 
You're the one who can't see? 
While I'm just trying not to overreact,
Joyfully accept what's coming,
And silently pray, and put a big hope in God only.